The periodic table of alimentation

It's hardly a secret that food in France is good. If you grew up in the US with fairly pedestrian Midwestern cooking in your family, a lot of things will seem to be much better than just 'good.' No offense to the memories of those who cooked for me while I was younger, but my tastes are significantly broader and more refined compared to what I was fed before I could fend for myself. If you asked me to pick my favorite cuisine of all time, I would be stumped. There are too many that I really enjoy, each for unique reasons. Countries which seem to produce a nearly unlimited supply of really great plats would include France, Italy, Japan, China, Thailand, India, and Mexico. But as this space is about France, I'll stay on topic.

I am convinced that the French have something in their genes which has made them a nation of great food, cooks, sommeliers, waiters -- hell, let's include all of the people who are part of the greater infrastructure which produces food here. Quality is better for just about everything, and you can find pretty much anything you want. Notably missing: good plain yogurt in bulk, Mexican food in general (tortillas, high end tequila), the ubiquitous Caesar salad (done correctly, with raw eggs: the people wringing their hands about salmonella should eat something more cooked. How about a nice burger prepared well done to ensure that it is teeming with carcinogens?), and more bona fide vegetarian options: while I am not one of them now, I was at some point and it permanently changed the way I watch my diet.

Even in Paris, unless you are a dolt and only eat in the tourist areas, you can usually find pleasing food for less than a ransom. It need not even be French food; I have a favorite Thai restaurant, Baan Thai in the 1er arrondissement which has real Thai chefs, not the usual melange of Asian foods done by a Vietnamese cook. Ironically, Paris is one of the worst places for les plats français veritables, as those are usually best in the region from which they originated. But in comparison to say, Hutchinson KS (yes, I have been there), Paris is great.

Back to my point about good food seemingly being innate here: I have concluded that French schoolchildren are forced to learn a basic chemistry of cooking, which I am going to call the Periodic Table of Alimentation. There are some ingredients that are so basic to the food here that they might as well be on the Periodic Table of Elements. Here are some notable entries:

Be: beurre. Butter is used in all but about five French dishes. Seriously. Hey, this is a country where you can go buy a dozen different varieties of butter, depending upon the level of salt, where it came from, what the cow's name was, etc.

O: oignon. They make a famous soup out of the lowly onion, remember?

Ai: ail. Garlic is used slightly less ubiquitously than butter, if only because the pastry chefs are still scratching their heads trying to figure out how to work it in.

L: lait. Milk is the building block of several other Table entries.

F: fromage. Hell, F might as well stand for France, as one associates the country so closely with its myriad of cheeses. Literally thousands exist. Just about all but the ones wrapped in plastic for easy serving as individual slices are banned by US Customs. People who are caught smuggling a runny Brie into the country these days are probably enjoying the balmy weather in Guantanamo right now, while their contraband was fed to the beagle who ratted them out.

R: raisin. Grapes, the mother source of all the glorious fermented juice.

Se: sel. Again, you can find over a dozen types of salt here. I was just at La Grande Epicerie at Bon Marché this afternoon, and can confirm the sighting.

Oe: oeuf. A necessary ingredient for a decent Caesar salad (see above), eggs are significantly better here than in the US. They aren't even refrigerated. Oh, the horror, a salmonella epidemic just around the corner! As it turns out, France does not wash the eggs after the hens have squirted them out, as the hens produce a natural barrier that protects them, which results in their requiring no refrigeration. 'Hen vent mucous,' anyone? Probably used here as a soup thickener or something.

V: veau. Sorry PETA, veal appears a fair bit here, including usage of a good veal stock as a starting place for many a good sauces. I pretend that the geese that are being force-fed corn to make a tasty foie gras sit on the farm, laughing at the calves who are purportedly in wooden pens, and vice-versa. But then, I also pretend that George Bush was legally elected at some point. In both cases, the fantasy is more soothing than the reality...

Su: sucre. Like beurre ("Like butter!"), sugar is present in virtually every dish in some quantity. Like salt, it seems to be available in a large variety of forms and flavors. For example, sucre vanillé is a common ingredient in many pastries.

That's the first ten. That seems like a good place to stop and go find a bite to eat, as I am hungry now after writing all this. Bon appétit!